Thong Schmong

If you want to feel sexy, wear sexy underwear!” It’s one of those fun, sexy, and kinda-naughty-but-not-enough-to-be-shameful pieces of advice that gets passed around in female circles.  I’ve had conversations with friends on this subject, I’ve read about it in Cosmo and equally-classy women’s magazines, and I’m pretty sure Oprah has said something to this effect.

Up until I got to college, my underwear came exclusively in economically thrifty packages from Target.  They are awesome for several reasons:

  1. Sooo cheap!!!  $5 for a week’s supply of 7?  Um, yes please!
  2. Soft and cottony… mmm
  3. Fun and colorful!  Yay!

Then I spent my freshman year of college living in a co-ed dorm.  I know that there is controversy about allowing young men and women to live so physically close together, but for a girl who was raised to fear boys, living with 22 of them all at once was a very educational experience.  I’ll probably write more on that experience later, but back to underwear: we talked about underwear a lot.  Actually, we talked about sex a lot, but underwear was a frequent tangent.

It was through these deep conversations with my floor mates that I learned that the clear winners in women’s underwear were these things called thongs.  The term “thong” was not foreign to me because I grew up wearing thongs all the time.  Of course, by “thongs,” I mean what the rest of the world calls, “flip flops” (my parents still talk about how much they love wearing thongs in the summertime.  It’s embarrassing.).  I had no idea what an underwear thong was until middle school, when I had a conversation with my friend who was talking about sexy underwear, while I was talking about summer footwear.  Thanks to that horribly awkward experience, I at least knew what my college floor mates where talking about, though I had yet to wear one.

Intrigued, and feeling behind-the-times, underwear-wise, I decided that maybe I should try one of these things for myself.  I went to my old trusted friend, Target, and bought a pair (probably for under $5! Go me!).  I saved it for a special day when I knew I would be seeing this guy I had a huge crush on at the time, to see if Oprah was right.

At first, it wasn’t that bad, it was just different.  I felt kind of sexy just knowing that I was wearing something scandalous under my jeans.  But as the day went on and I realized that the string in my butt wasn’t going anywhere, it got increasingly annoying and uncomfortable.  By the end of the day, it was all I could think about!  Instead of feeling sexy, my mind was plagued with thoughts of my own discomfort, worry over whether or not this boy I loved could see this discomfort, and how I wished I had just gone commando instead.  I was not confident, funny, smart, interesting, smiling, or any of the other qualities that I would normally associate with being sexy.  I was just fervently annoyed at a stupid piece of string.

Since then, I have occasionally tried wearing them again, in hopes that I could get used to it and just feel sexy, dangit!  I even somehow ended up with a few more pairs, but I always come to the same conclusion: it’s not worth it!  They are currently stuffed in the back of my underwear drawer, along with all my ugly old worn out underwear that is reserved strictly for days when I run out of clean laundry.  Maybe one day the thongs will come back out, but for now, I’m just going to wear what makes me happy and comfortable.  I don’t care what Cosmo or Oprah says; being happy and comfortable makes me feel infinitely sexier than being distracted by a relentless wedgie.


7 responses

  1. haha – I completely agree – they aren’t comfortable at all. And most of my friends claim that they are the most comfortable underwear out there… lies!

    August 17, 2011 at 12:33 pm

  2. I loved this little post of yours! And being a fellas who likes to peer into the lives of amazing girls, today it’s your turn…however, I wrote a post of my own dealing with panties…i hope you’d take a look…most girls love to know what a fella thinks, well, i’m not an ordinary fella living some humdrum life…i live an amazing life filled with moments of madness…and fun!

    Hope you enjoy!


    August 17, 2011 at 1:46 pm

  3. lol.. i think if you are going to wear a thong for a whole day, you have to make sure you are used to it, its like wearing super high heels, if you don’t practice and get used to them then you will never be able to walk in if you want to wear and thong and it feels so uncomfortable, make it only for special occasions.. 😀
    great post.. 🙂

    August 17, 2011 at 7:16 pm

  4. Hilarious, Supervirgin! I can’t stand underwear floss myself, and I am plenty sexy, thank you very much.
    Say, I am developing a post on ‘courage’, or ‘the faces of courage’ and was wondering you would feel comfortable shooting me a picture to post? I think this blog is very courageous, with the added bonus of being funny. You can write me privately and I’ll send you what I have so far. Courage is #2 on my Man List.

    August 18, 2011 at 5:52 am

  5. Nice. I actually am mildly obsessed with beautiful lingerie. (Had a lingerie shower for my wedding. It was awesome and kind of hilarious because my mom ended up buying me the skankiest stuff.)

    I did go through a stage of wearing thongs. It just seemed like the done thing at the time. The secret is to buy them a size bigger than you’d buy normal underwear. That said, I don’t actually think they are *that* sexy, and I gave them up a decade ago. As my ex said once, “They’re really just like normal underwear, but with your arse hanging out.” (Yes, he was a charmer.)

    Want to add though, that there is a lot of lovely underwear out there that is not of the thong variety. Even in cotton, if that’s your preference.

    August 18, 2011 at 7:09 pm

  6. Ha ha, nice post. I think there are thongs and there are thongs. People who swear by them as the most comfy things in the world must have found ones that fit just right. But me, I was so relieved when many years ago, Kylie Minogue announced that thongs were out and “big” panties were in… yay Kylie!
    (PS Where I’m from, thongs are called G-strings, flip flops are slops, and a thong is a long thin piece of leather!)

    August 30, 2011 at 7:04 am

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