Hello again, blogosphere! I’ve been on an unplanned hiatus since September due to an overwhelming amount of work. During my break, I did design work on a webseries, two films, and an infomercial.! I stayed really busy and got to work with old friends, as well as meet a ton of new people. And yes, some of those people are eligible bachelors 😉
Some people wonder why I’m not more depressed about my single status, especially around this overly-commercialized/nauseatingly sentimental holiday known as Valentines Day. Trust me, I do have my occasional wallow-in-self-pity cry fests, especially during hormone insanity week, but for the most part, I am secure with my singleness because I have a life! Yesterday, for my exciting Valentines Day, I started my latest job at a design studio and then watched The Daily Show while working out. And it was great! Would I have liked to have gone on a romantic date with a nice guy? Of course! But since that wasn’t an option, I did the next best thing and stayed busy doing what I love.
I was also encouraged this past weekend when my pastor mentioned that singleness can be a blessing from God because there are things that you can do and ways that you can serve Him when you’re single that you can’t once you’re married. When I was younger, I used to freak out whenever anyone talked about “God’s gift of singleness” because it was terrifying to me that I could be cursed with such a horrible “gift” and there would be nothing I could do about it. It was especially scary for me because so many people were convinced that no man could ever be attracted to me (due to my disfiguring medical condition), and warned me of this eternal loneliness, thinking that they were “protecting” me from wanting something I could never have. Fortunately, I’ve learned that 1) my nay-sayers were idiots, and 2) singleness is not a curse, nor is it always permanent.
I’ll probably address discovery #1 in a future rage-filled post (yay!), but let’s talk about #2. We shouldn’t think of the “gifts” of singleness or coupledness (is that a word?) as permanent labels. Sure, there are some people who are single for their entire lives, but most people will experience both before they die. If God’s put a desire in our hearts to get married someday, there’s a good chance that we will one day say “I do.” That doesn’t mean He’ll drop a significant other out of the sky right now though. If we’re still single, it’s probably because He’s got things for us to do before a relationship takes over our lives. For example, we can have crazy work schedules and pursue our careers with reckless abandon. We can freely socialize/flirt/do whatever with other single people without worrying about upsetting jealous or suspicious partners. We can spontaneously go places and do random things without anyone’s permission. Being single is not some terrible curse of loneliness, it’s a blessing of independence while you wait for the blessing of companionship. Jesus was single at a time when people found their whole identity in marriage and family. People surely thought he was crazy because it was a radical concept that someone could find their identity outside of that. However, this is something that our current culture has been accepting and we should too!
So, long story short, there are many reasons to enjoy our singleness while we have it, and one of them is the freedom to be busy and productive with our passions. I still hope that one day I will meet the right guy, but until then, I have plenty to keep me busy and thankful for my independence!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s Day yesterday! 🙂
Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel so gross and awful that you can barely function? I had one of those days this week. I felt and looked like death and had no intention of interacting with anyone that night. I hadn’t been able to sleep well in days, I had sweated off all my makeup earlier in the day and was too tired to reapply, and my allergies were killing me and making my eyes a bloodshot drippy mess. To top it all off, I had spent most of the day taking headshots of one of my best friends, who is a model, which had only served to remind me that I was not (and never would be) hot enough to be a model. So I felt hideously gross, super depressed, and physically sick. I was a wreck. I never would have left my apartment, except that I ran out of food and I wasn’t sure when I’d have another chance to go to the grocery store. So I mustered up what little energy I had left and made the trek to gather sustenance.
My goal was to get in and out as quickly as possible without talking to anyone, and I almost succeeded. Almost. I pushed my cart into the elevator, but was in such a daze that I took it up instead of down to the parking garage. My food and I rode up to the balcony of the shopping plaza as I cursed my stupidity. Then the doors opened, and in walked this cute guy. He paused to let me out and I awkwardly explained that I wasn’t getting out.
Now, everyone knows that the normal protocol for riding elevators is to ignore everyone else and stare at the wall or phone, as if deep in thought. I guess this guy doesn’t ride many elevators though, because he kept talking to me. He was very friendly and had a nice smile, which he couldn’t seem to turn off. About halfway down, I finally realized that he was hitting on me!
You have to understand that I rarely get hit on outside of Home Depot and Walmart parking lots. On the rare occasions that guys do take notice of me, it’s usually with that creepy “heyyy” kind of flirting. But this guy was different; he was nice, and he treated me like a human. I was in shock, this doesn’t even happen on days I look relatively good. This guy was special. When we got to my floor, he said, “You know, you’re pretty cute.” He must have some serious vision problems, but I was genuinely touched.
Unfortunately, this story has a very sad and anti-climactic ending, thanks to my sleep-deprived, allergy-ridden brain’s inability to function that night. I never ever give my number out to strange men because I’m always terrified that they could be serial killers, even seemingly nice ones. So when the guy asked if I had a boyfriend, I stupidly replied, “kind of.” What does that mean??? Funny you should ask me that, because he did too. I didn’t know the answer. The conversation came to an awkward end as I pushed my little cart out of the elevator and mentally kicked myself for not being a more eloquent liar.
I realized very quickly that he probably thought I was rejecting him because I didn’t think he was attractive or thought he was creepy or something. I felt horrible! I desperately wished that I could go back in time and explain that my brain wasn’t working very well, and that I thought he was cute too, and that I so appreciated his kind words, and that he made my crappy night a whole lot better.
So if by some far off chance you are reading this, sweet-guy-I-probably-should-have-married, thank you for making my night. I’m sorry for accidentally rejecting you. Here’s to hoping we meet in another elevator someday!