Hello again, blogosphere! I’ve been on an unplanned hiatus since September due to an overwhelming amount of work. During my break, I did design work on a webseries, two films, and an infomercial.! I stayed really busy and got to work with old friends, as well as meet a ton of new people. And yes, some of those people are eligible bachelors 😉
Some people wonder why I’m not more depressed about my single status, especially around this overly-commercialized/nauseatingly sentimental holiday known as Valentines Day. Trust me, I do have my occasional wallow-in-self-pity cry fests, especially during hormone insanity week, but for the most part, I am secure with my singleness because I have a life! Yesterday, for my exciting Valentines Day, I started my latest job at a design studio and then watched The Daily Show while working out. And it was great! Would I have liked to have gone on a romantic date with a nice guy? Of course! But since that wasn’t an option, I did the next best thing and stayed busy doing what I love.
I was also encouraged this past weekend when my pastor mentioned that singleness can be a blessing from God because there are things that you can do and ways that you can serve Him when you’re single that you can’t once you’re married. When I was younger, I used to freak out whenever anyone talked about “God’s gift of singleness” because it was terrifying to me that I could be cursed with such a horrible “gift” and there would be nothing I could do about it. It was especially scary for me because so many people were convinced that no man could ever be attracted to me (due to my disfiguring medical condition), and warned me of this eternal loneliness, thinking that they were “protecting” me from wanting something I could never have. Fortunately, I’ve learned that 1) my nay-sayers were idiots, and 2) singleness is not a curse, nor is it always permanent.
I’ll probably address discovery #1 in a future rage-filled post (yay!), but let’s talk about #2. We shouldn’t think of the “gifts” of singleness or coupledness (is that a word?) as permanent labels. Sure, there are some people who are single for their entire lives, but most people will experience both before they die. If God’s put a desire in our hearts to get married someday, there’s a good chance that we will one day say “I do.” That doesn’t mean He’ll drop a significant other out of the sky right now though. If we’re still single, it’s probably because He’s got things for us to do before a relationship takes over our lives. For example, we can have crazy work schedules and pursue our careers with reckless abandon. We can freely socialize/flirt/do whatever with other single people without worrying about upsetting jealous or suspicious partners. We can spontaneously go places and do random things without anyone’s permission. Being single is not some terrible curse of loneliness, it’s a blessing of independence while you wait for the blessing of companionship. Jesus was single at a time when people found their whole identity in marriage and family. People surely thought he was crazy because it was a radical concept that someone could find their identity outside of that. However, this is something that our current culture has been accepting and we should too!
So, long story short, there are many reasons to enjoy our singleness while we have it, and one of them is the freedom to be busy and productive with our passions. I still hope that one day I will meet the right guy, but until then, I have plenty to keep me busy and thankful for my independence!
I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s Day yesterday! 🙂
slut · noun \’slət\ · a promiscuous woman
Slutty girls used to make me really mad. They were hot, they knew it, and all they had to do was flash a little cleavage and they got whatever they wanted. They made me look ugly and prudish by comparison, and I feared that no man would want to “settle” for me when they were constantly seeing their scantily clad fantasies walk by. I was jealous and wished I could look like them, yet I loathed their unfair superficial ways on principle.
All of this changed when I became friends with a few of these girls and saw what being a slut really entailed. I realized that my jealousy and resentment were stupidly pointless and unfounded. Maybe they got whatever they wanted in an immediate sense, but it came with a huge price – human respect. Sluts might get what they want in a short-term, physical sense, but in the process, they are dehumanized and hardly anyone truly respects them.
- Women don’t respect sluts because they are jealous and/or fear that they will steal their boyfriends away. They also fear that the presence of slutty women gives men impossible high expectations for how women should look and perform sexually. Don’t be jealous that most women (including other sluts) hate sluts.
- Men don’t respect sluts because they don’t have to respect them in order to get what they want. They see them more as toys instead of people. They have no idea that the girl they slept with one night and then never called again is now crying over a tub of ice cream, wondering why she wasn’t good enough; it doesn’t enter their mind because toys don’t have feelings. Don’t be jealous that emotionally immature and selfish men use and abuse sluts.
- Sluts don’t respect themselves. They give themselves away because they don’t realize that they’re worth so much more. And with women hating them and men using them, why would think highly of themselves? They stake so much of their value on how they look that a pimple or cowlick can crush their self-esteem into a million tiny pieces. Don’t be jealous of fragile self-esteem and self-loathing.
I know, I know, this isn’t always the case. Before you accuse me of generalizing, let me confess that one of my friends is a self-proclaimed “slut” who can sleep around without falling apart. She is incredibly self-assured, independent, and able to be emotionally detached in her sexual relationships. Not all sluts are suffer equally, some girls can successfully pull off the slut lifestyle. If that’s you, congratulations –slut away! Based on a rudimentary survey of my social circle, however, self-respecting sluts are incredibly rare. In fact, my aforementioned friend is the only woman I’ve met who can live like that. All my other slutty friends are insecure wrecks.
I always wonder why they choose to do this to themselves. I watch my friends cry and vent about how stupid boys are and wonder why they don’t just say “no” when boys ask them to go home with them. A lot of times, they believe this is just how relationships are supposed to be, especially when they see the same thing happening all around them to their fellow sluts and all the magazines talk about it as if it’s totally normal. For many of them, it’s repeated naïveté: they genuinely mistake male lust for love, so when they get dumped, their response is to try to make themselves hotter in hopes that it will prevent it from happening again. Their self-worth and value hinge on their ability to constantly attract men.
But, you might ask, isn’t it their fault that they are slutty? Aren’t they responsible for forfeiting their own right to respect? Yes, in some ways they are. But in other ways, they’re victims of their culture, and they’re paying a hefty price for it. The idea that looks are of utmost importance is such an obvious lie to me because I grew up being told I was ugly and had to get my self-worth from other sources, but it’s not necessarily obvious to girls who grew up constantly being told how pretty they are, with that as their main value. Hollywood tells us that women are worthless if they’re not hot, and the hotness barometer is popular male opinion. These girls desire to be affirmed by male opinion more than they desire respect. It’s no wonder that these girls can’t see a way out. This certainly doesn’t warrant jealousy.
So, no matter how much you want to strangle the next hot blonde with giant boobs who snags your crush (girls) or tap that thang with no strings attached (boys), remember that sluts are people too and should be treated accordingly.